Black and White
by natbenson
Summary: written with swimlets3. The decision weighs heavily on Rayna's shoulders.


I want to thank swimlets3, this was your idea and thank you for helping me write it

**Rayna tries not to break under the pressure of trying to make the decision that could change not only her life but her children's lives. But comes to realise she needs to go with her heart this time and not her head.**

(_Italics = Flashbacks_. Song used - Black and White by Katie Armiger)

She sits alone on her bedroom floor, Tandy has just gone home after the freak panic call she received from her sister. Looking down at the ring still on her finger from Luke to the ring in her palm from Deacon, Deacon, the one she has known almost all her life, the man she fell in love with when she was only a teen. The man she could never not love.

'This is ridiculous' she whispers to herself wiping a stray tear from her cheek, clutching the ring in her palm to her chest. Pulling herself to her feet she glances at the rock on her finger before pulling it off and placing it on the dresser. She reaches for a long chain and slips Deacons ring onto it before fastening the chain around her neck.

Walking down the stairs and through the house she notices them, the little things that shouldn't bother her but do. One of Luke's jackets draped over a chair, a pair of his boots by the back door, his watch on the kitchen counter. They shouldn't be here, they don't belong here. Walking over to the couch she spots the picture frame that Maddie made, the same one she had also made for Deacon. They look right, they look comfortable and almost like signing up there together is a common occurrence, to anyone else they would look like one little happy family. Looking at the picture brought tears to her eyes and suddenly she couldn't breathe, she needed to leave. She grabbed her keys and was out the door. She glanced around as she got in to her car, making sure no one, especially the press were around her gate, and left. She doesn't know where she's going and she doesn't care, she just needs to escape.

She doesn't know how long she has been driving for, to her it felt like forever but in reality it has only been 20 minutes. As her eyes start to tire she pulls over. She pulls her phone out to check if anyone has tried to contact her, seeing no one has she turns her phone off and thrown it on the back seat. She turns her head in attempt to get rid of a kink when she notices a hole in the wall bar. She grabs a hat from the back seat and opens the glove box for her reading glasses, hoping this way no one will recognize her.

One drink turned into three, which quickly turned into seven and before she knew it she was beyond tipsy, which the bartender also knew, giving her the glass and saying she should have a break for a bit.

Swivelling around on her stool she leans back against the bar, there's a man singing up front, he's good. Some love song, dedicated to his wife. That's something Deacon would do. Maybe Luke would too but it wouldn't have a deep meaning behind it, she probably wouldn't care for it. She sways along to the sweet music not realising she's twirling the chain and ring around her finger. She claps as the guy finishes and leaves the stage, sending an appreciative smile her way. Looking around she sees no one else moving to get up. She hops down off her stool stumbling a little before finding her feet and walks towards the front before sitting on the stool smiling sheepishly at the small audience in front of her. Turning around to the small band behind her she fills them in on the style of the song and the chords.

It's so hard to understand  
>Should I go, or stay with him tonight<br>I can't decide  
>Some days he'll criticize<br>But he won't apologize  
>For what he did wrong<p>

_1992 – CMA Awards_

_'Rayna you are on in 10' Bucky frets_

'_Where the hell is he? He promised Buck he promised' Rayna sighs blinking back the tears_

'_Miss Jaymes? I'm here' a tall brunette male says coming to a stop in front of her_

'_Who are you?' she asks confused_

'_I'm Deacon's back up' he smiles confidently_

'_No, I don't need a backup he's gonna be here, he will' she whispers fidgeting with her trembling hands. A whirlwind of denim smelling of whiskey and smoke comes barrelling through_

'_I'm here, let's go' Deacon slurs_

'_You're drunk? Rayna asks eyes wide _

'_Rayna you wanted me here I'm here, c'mon' he sighs roughly grabbing a mic pack off someone_

'_You are not going out on that stage with me' she growls_

'_Lighten up Ray' _

'_Lighten up? You want me to lighten up? You knew how important this performance was and yet you still couldn't show up sober!' she screams_

'_Ray it's all about having fun. I'm so sorry that not everyone in this world is as perfect as you Rayna. If you want perfect take yourself back to Belle Meade' he jabs back at her hearing her gasp_

'_Perfect I am not perfect but at least I don't have to get wasted every time I get on stage' Rayna quips_

'_You knew who I was when we got together and if you have a problem with it you can leave, I'm not making you stay'_

'_Fine' she shrugs_

'_You know what I'm done, pretty boy here can go on with you' he grabs his case and walks out without a second glance_

'_Deacon? Wait, Deacon you can't just leave me!' Rayna screams at his retreating form, tears trickling down her cheeks_

Just when I thought I'd made up my mind  
>He goes and does something right<br>Sometimes love it just makes you blind  
>Wish it was as simple as black and white<br>Black and white

_Rayna went back to an empty house that night, deciding to stay on the couch so she'd be there when he got home, but he never came. She busied herself with a book, a crossword, she attempted knitting, note to self you cannot knit Rayna. Eventually the silence took over, leaving her to her thoughts which led to the endless tears that fell before crying herself to sleep._

_She woke up to a hand caressing her cheek, she slowly opened her eyes and found herself staring into his. He tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear and she smiles weakly at him._

'_I'm sorry' he whispers 'I was a huge idiot'_

'_Yes you were' she smiles 'But I'm sorry too' she whispers sitting up slightly wrapping her arms around him as he does the same_

_She notices a bag from the corner of her eye and pulls back 'What's that?' she smiles_

'_Oh..' he trails off shuffling on his knees to grab the bag before shuffling back before handing the bag to her with a grin on his face_

_She smirks at him as she accepts the bag. He watches her face the entire time, watching how her eyes light up and a smile graces her lips_

'_The boots' she whispers trailing her finger over the pattern, grinning up at him  
><em>  
>I don't want to be that girl<br>Who's comfortable  
>And can't ever be alone<br>I just want to be in love  
>The way that I dreamed of<br>When I was a little girl

'_Shouldn't we at least wait for your dad? Instead of you know? Just disappearing?' Deacon asks carrying the last of Rayna's many boxes out to his truck, her skipping behind him holding a couple of her shoes_

'_No he'll make me stay' Rayna frets flinging her shoes into the old truck 'I want to be with you babe'_

'_Well you are 16 Ray, you're his daughter' Deacon smiles turning to her, tucking a stray hair behind ear_

'_Yeah, you're only a few years older and please, he barely pays any attention to me, especially now Tandy isn't here to tell tale. I mean we've played together at the bluebird twice already and he has no idea' she smiles up at him_

'_Sneak' Deacon smirks 'Have you got everything? Or you gon' make me haul som…' he freezes, his eyes widen, watching Rayna's do the same as they here a car door slam shut_

'_RAYNA WYATT' Lamar bellows, Rayna stares up at Deacon with panicked eyes_

'_Hello Mr Wyatt' Deacon forces_

'_Who are you? And what are you doing with my daughter?' He frowns_

'_Daddy, I, I'm uh, movingoutandlivingwithdeacon' she says quickly that Lamar stands confused for a moment before realising what she said_

'_What and I suppose you are going to get by playing in dead beat bars and relying on this man' Lamar scrunches up his face 'to take care of you, you'll get bored of him soon'_

_Rayna gasps and pulls Deacons hand in to her own squeezing it tightly_

"_I love him, he treats me right, he knows how to make me laugh, he knows where all my ticklish spots are but won't tickle me because I get hiccups, he surprises me, he pushes me when I feel like I'm not good enough, he believes in me, he loves me and he shows it, something you have never done' she grits glaring at him_

Just when I thought I'd made up my mind  
>He goes and does something right<br>Sometimes love it just makes you blind  
>Wish it was as simple as black and white<br>Black and white

_Lamar grabs a hold of of Rayna's arm pulling her slightly 'Get in the house' he yells_

_Deacon rips his arm away moving to stand in front of her 'Don't you dare lay a hand on her again'_

_Lamar just laughs 'You'll come running back when you find you have no money'_

'_I don't want your money and I don't need it, we're going to be fine'_

Want to be hand in hand  
>Walking two by two<br>So in love, so brand new  
>But here I am, full of doubt<br>I just gotta figure out  
>Should I stay or should I go<br>Finally have to choose  
>Either way I lose<p>

Rayna looks around the small bar, an old guy appears to be asleep with his face in a bowl of nachos, a couple are smiling at her, listening intently. She eyes the bar again before glancing down at her left hand ring missing and smiling at the feeling of the cool band around her neck resting above her heart

Just when I thought I'd made up my mind  
>He goes and does something right<br>Sometimes love it just makes you blind  
>Wish it was as simple as black and white<br>Black and white

Rayna smiles behind her as thanks to the couple of musicians, she hops down and slumps over to the bar. She smiles up at the man she now knows to be Gary and he stops wiping away a few peanuts to place a shot in front of her. 20 minutes later and a lot more shots and various other drinks, one of which she spat out in disgust before Gary wiped the bar in front of her robotically almost like he was expecting that reaction, she had filled him in on her current situation.

'So you don't have the wheelie boys ring on no?' He asks

Rayna laughs at his name for Luke 'Nope' she slurs holding her right hand up before realising it is supposed to be her left 'Oops' she giggles placing both her hands down on the bar counter

'And Deacon's is around your neck?' he smiles watching her eyes light up at the mention of his name

'Yes' she grins nodding her head fast

'I think you have your answer' he smiles tilting his head

'I think.. I think you're right' she nods 'I loved Deacon since I was like this tall' she tumbles off her stool standing up and placing her hand an inch below her actual hight as demonstration

'Wow, small' Gary chuckles rolling his eyes

'I know' Rayna gasps sitting back on the stool almost slipping off, placing her hands out to steady her

'So what now?'

'I need to, oh a phone, do you have one?' she smiles sweetly

'Sure' he hands over his cell, saving her from having to get up and make her way over to the pay phone

Rayna feels herself sober up slightly whilst trying to remember Luke's number _I can't Luke, I'm sorry, marriage just isn't the right way to go for us. I married the wrong man once before, I can't do that again _she reads over it twice before sending it, letting out a breath, she enters a number she has memorised and lifts the phone to her ear

'Hey can you come pick me up?'

Almost an hour and a half later, after having trouble finding the place, he almost drove past it but spotted her car, Deacon walks into the smoky bar. A man behind the bar spots him, waving him over. Deacon approaches the bar looking down at strawberry blonde curls sprawled out over the bar.

'She passed out about 20 minutes ago' Gary informs

'I see that' Deacon smiles 'How many has she had?' he asks rubbing his hand across her back

'Too many. I did cut her off but then she started talking about this dilemma she was having and, then well..' he trails off waving his hand in her direction 'I'll leave the rest to you' he smiles before walking off to clear the tables

'Ray?' he whispers kneeling down slightly.. _nothing_.

He places one arm around her shoulders and under one arm, bending to grab under her knees lifting her up effortlessly and into his arms. He carries her out and balances her whilst opening the passenger door to his car, carefully placing her into the seat before strapping her in. He rests his hand on her cheek watching as she sighs and snuggles into the seat.

He shuts the door and walks over to her car, he quickly grabs her phone from the back seat and locks the SUV, he'll come back tomorrow for it.

Rayna slept the whole drive home. He carefully picks her up and carries her inside, walking straight down the hall towards his room and towards the bed. He places her under the cover and she subconsciously cocoons herself in it making Deacon chuckle. After waiting for her breathing to even out again Deacon settles in next to her sitting up reaching over to the night stand retrieving some murder mystery book Scarlett had insisted he read.

A couple of hours later Rayna stirs. Deacon places the book down and looks over at her as she opens her eyes, she sleepily smiles at him before grinning. He sends her a confused look which then mirrors her grin as she whispers 'Yes'

* * *

><p><strong>Writing this almost sent me insane!<br>****Please review :)**


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